The Moth on my Window
by CLAMPraven
Summary: Hotaru contemplates reality on a rainy day, all while watching a dying moth. It's my first fic...please, PLEASE r/r!!!


The Moth on my Window by CLAMPraven  
  
My first fic…flames are accepted within reason, but I don't think you'll have to. This is just a mild little story about Tomoe Hotaru-chan and her contemplating reality, yadda yadda... If you are a Saturn fan, you might want to read this…it's really dark and melancholy, to tell you the truth. Please r/r! Arigatou!  
  
  
  
The sky is roaring outside my window…who am I to listen?  
  
I edged closer off my bed. The incense of the rain melted on the glass, drew me one step closer to oblivion. The candles on my desks flickered once, then twice, to the sound. The darkness is soothing to my eyes, blending with my soul. I loved the darkness.  
  
A moth with tattered wings was nestled next to the windowsill. It rose and beat its wings, shedding white dust in the murky atmosphere. The little spirit drifted up like a ghost. Constantly rising, it tapped blindly against the glass, against a wall that never seemed to give way.  
  
It must be miserable, I thought as it bashed itself up against the glass over and over again. It's trapped in shadow…my shadow.  
  
I have never been part of the light. The sailor senshi have rescued my soul from Mistress 9, but I have never been free from her menacing presence. Evil never really dies…it just changes shape, and gets up to haunt you again. There was a time when I had given myself up to that evil, but the gentler souls in this world…Sailormoon, Sailorminimoon, the bishoujo sailor senshi…held on to me and kept me away from what seemed to be destruction. All the while, I was much like that moth on my window, searching for a brighter world…  
  
Footsteps approached my silhouette. The moth was still furiously beating when Meiou Setsuna, Sailorpluto, placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Still thinking, Hotaru-chan?" The luminous voice asked.  
  
I nodded. "It's the moth, Setsuna-mama…It's so sad…" I could have picked better words, but somehow decided that I didn't need to. I didn't sound childish or dense…Setsuna told me that.  
  
More footsteps came into the room in a rhythmic, controlled pattern. The door shut softly…it was Michiru and Haruka. Standing so quietly beside me, they seemed to hear my every thought, feel my every emotion. Speech wasn't necessary…we were the outer senshi, the wisdom of the world…  
  
I could tell they were watching the moth, too. The pale form was still struggling to be free. The rain danced and thunder struck. Haruka spoke.  
  
"It's a lot like a human, if you think about it…" The strong senshi sounded grave. "It is blind to the world around it. It's weak and fragile, and a petty annoyance to a force watching over it, a force so much larger than it can ever comprehend…such is a force like yourself, Hotaru-chan."  
  
I nodded.  
  
"We believe in such things as fate and destiny," continued Michiru, "When we ourselves determine the fate of other smaller creatures likewise. The moment anyone, or thing, tries to escape destiny, like this moth is attempting to do, we are crushed by the darkness beyond our limit, like this moth will be, if it escapes into the rain. How long we live depends on how well we comprehend our limits, and how well we understand the force that watches over us…"  
  
The moth had stopped flying. It shook once in midair, and then fell onto the windowsill once more, wings broken and shattered, never to rise again.  
  
"We wish to see beyond our world…" Setsuna stated grimly, "…but most of us are too weak to venture so far. This is why we have dreams, Hotaru-chan. They delight us in this reality, satisfying us so that we would not wish to explore beyond. But all dreams have an ending, and the thirst for the truth is beyond a dream's control. They are just illusions used to bind us; the real truth takes us to another void with no return, darkness's void, though that may not be where we wish to go."  
  
I looked up, and saw the sad gleam in her eyes. What anyone would give to tell what is outside our reach…! Pluto has been there. When she had used her forbidden attack, she's been there. She would never speak of the horrors of what she alone had seen, and it is useless to question. I believe that Michiru and Haruka, who stood so deathly, had heard Setsuna's story, though I cannot say when.  
  
As Setsuna's violet, shaking gaze traveled to meet mine, I knew I would one day see the truth as well.  
  
I looked back to the moth, grasping her hand. "I understand," I calmly said. It was my nature.  
  
Setsuna smiled.  
  
I let go of her hand, and the three women left as swiftly as they had come. I closed the curtains and retreated to bed.  
  
  
  
There. Done. My first fic, and it didn't even have a plot!! Agh!!!  
  
Oh, well…I'll do better next time. For now, just review, please! Tell me whether I should write some more, okay? 


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